And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
