Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
