Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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