Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
