I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
