Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
