He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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