i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
