I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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