Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
