If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
