hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
You're like the curious george of whores
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
