Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
