So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
