and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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