That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
