OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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