DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
