Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
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Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
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You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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