Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
