He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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