Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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