I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
