Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
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ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
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Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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