I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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