i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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