alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Randomize
