she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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