everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
it was like eating out sand paper
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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