there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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