There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
