i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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