girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
