I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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