I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
