I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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