margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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