remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
