It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
