In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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