The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
