you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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