No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
