I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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