"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
