how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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