i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
