smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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