U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
