just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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