I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
