I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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