i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
