So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
