why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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