I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
