So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
