I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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