I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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