so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
