I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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