You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
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