i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Randomize
