I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
