I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
