You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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