I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
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